I will always have Hope

Can anyone describe the meaning of the word hope? Without looking at a dictionary, just off the top of your head when you think hope, you think?...

Tomorrow, no matter how great today was or wasn't, you always hope for a better tomorrow.

Your children, you hope they have a better childhood and future that you had.

Hope can mean so many things but it always has a basis. For the rest of my life, I will no longer think of hope as just a word, but a person, and angel.

You know you always hear that god has a plan for you, that god put you on this earth for a reason and we have to figure out what that is. Well, Hope has a purpose, I believe she was brought here to bring a little bit of light into our lives.

About 9months after moving here I got invited to this crafts and conversations thing. Of course I said yes, I hated being cooped up in the house with nothing to do, with a 9month old. I had friends but I had 2 friends and that was it. I invited my friend Molly to come with me, we were so timid walking into the chapel on base, we didn't know what to do or anything.

Then these people walked in, they both sat next to us and just started talking. One looked like she was knitting, and the other just talked on and on and on. That's when I met Neighbor Debbie and Hope. They explained to us what to do and that this was just a weekly get away for wives to meet other wives.

Then Hope brought up Compass. She told us all about it and that we should do this next upcoming class. We both said yea why not. Compass was the first thing that I went alone, that I didn't need a friend to ride with me there, I just tried it on my own. But I wasn't alone, I had Hope. She was so excited to see me, she really is great as a Compass Mentor and making you feel special.

If it wasn't for Hope, I wouldn't have ever joined Compass, I wouldn't have such great friends and support group that I have here. And its not like the friendship ended with Compass, it continued, when we went to WA she texted me all the time to see how I was doing. And when Compass started up again that Jan. she made sure I was going to volunteer.

I only got teary eyed about one person leaving this base and that was Molly. Now Hope's husband is retired and even though they will just move a few hours away, again I find myself getting teary eye about losing another part of my military family. It makes me worry about how much I'm going to cry when we leave here in July to Sicily. The navy takes you here kicking and screaming all the way, just to move you again...kicking and screaming.

Hope, like you said the other day in Mentor training, you are like an adopted mama to me. I will miss you so much, I will miss seeing your face at Compass and keeping it energetic. I will miss your southern sayings that I have never heard in my life. You've done so much for me, that I don't think you have realized. You've made this command bearable to me and an enjoyment, you got me into blogging and then the next thing I know I'm writing my own book (which when I do finish it I will send you a copy). I really don't know where I would be without you, thank you so much for your friendship and hospitality. And I know its not goodbye cause I know we will see each other again, I mean I got to take Brock to Disney World sometime, but its just going to be hard not having you around all the time. God has blessed you with joy and kindness, and you will always be in our prayers and apart of our military family.

Welcome to the civilian world, I will always have hope in the military and in life, because I found Hope while I was here.

Being Skinny has its downsides

I love to shop, just as much as the next lady but have you ever felt like nothing fits you?

I find the cutest clothes but i'm just to skinny or too short...when does it end?!

All i wanted was a pea coat, a cute one too. So we went to Maurces where I have been durling over this fleace pea coat for weeks, we finally had the money so on the way home from a 4hr day of shopping....we had to stop at that store for that one thing that I wanted and all I was getting that day...guess what? They had 4 of them, and not one small!!! So I looked around and thought well maybe I don't need that certain one, I can get a wool one...before I even looked at the sizes I stopped to look at the price...HECK NO I'M NOT PAYING NO $80 FOR A COAT!!! So we moved on...and all the other coats they had there...not one, not one size small. The lady asked if she could call another store for me to see if they have one and I said forget it, we've been out to long today. I was crushed :(

We got back in the car, and my hubby mentioned that old navy did have a lot of pea coats some that even looked like the one I wanted, just without the wrap. So I said okay lets try it. And to my surprise they didn't even have a medium! UGH! So depresed we went home.

Then I thought...its modren times, we are all blessed with online shopping! So guess what first online store i went to...yep, Maurces. I found my coat and my hopes started to build up and I click on the down arrow for size and only option was XLarge. How is it that they only have one size...ONLINE?!!!

So I tried Old Navy...samething. Upset I just quit for the day.

And today, I started the search over again. Aeropostal, its one of my favorite stores, they have pea coats and their cute! Guess what size they all were, I don't even want to say you know....

I searched all over, I found some cheap ones on Overstock.com....I cant figure out their sizes. Then American Eagle...yea I'm not paying $100 for a coat...I might as well get the real thing at the clothing store on base. Then it clicked to me, berlington coat factory, why I wouldn't think them...I don't know. But still none I liked and the ones I did, not in my size. I tried one more store...Kohls.

You know Kohls say to expect great things! I did not expect to see a pea coat that I like in my size at a decent price! SCORE! Just missing my debit card so I have to wait for the hubby to get home. So I shopped some more at Areo online, he came home to see what I have found, and my reasonable hubby says, how about my next weekend off we go try on everything you have in your shopping cart right now. LOL

I just hope that A: They have that pea coat at Kohls, in the next 6days, and B: If they don't that its still avalible online...if A and B don't work, I just might have to kill my hubby for trying to be reasonable!

So is it just me or does anyone else have this same issue?

Welcome Back

"Welcome back," Yes thank you, I know ya'll are thinking this because it has been forever and a half since I have blogged, but I have rediscovered my blogging need. I love to write, and when I discovered blogging thanks to Miss Hope, I had filled a little hole in my life. I do not know why I stopped but what matters is I am back.

Since last April as ya'll know we got extended here in Kingsbay, GA. Thats right no Sicily! At least not when we entended on going. The biggest upset was not going home, we had planned that I would go home for about 4months to pay off our debt, besides the car. But after a few days of being upset and hating the navy I came to my senses in the fact that all things happen for a reason and there are some positives to us not moving right now. It finally came down to a "Whew! What a big move we just dodged!" I really don't think we were ready for that big move quit yet. Now don't get me wrong we have not lost our orders and we are still going to Sicily, in July to be exact.

Also we almost got our son potty trained! Our methods my be a bit strange but hey it works. What we did: Let Brock run around naked. He peed in the potty and held his poop, till one day he had his first accedent. Brock was very upset about the whole situation we just told him its okay and next time please make to the bathroom at least. A week later we had poop in the bathroom and he was letting us know when he had to go. The only problem was and still is, he has a hudge problem sitting and pooping at the sametime, but its a work in progress. After this coming week we are going to try to wear undies, hopefully since he has a problem going in dipers he will catch on fast.

I just want to appoligize I have not been on, and I am going to try to get on more often now. Kind of like I used to.

Upates updates updates

First of all may i say sorry for not coming on as much as i mean to anymore, life is just getting a little hecktic, but i will update you on it.

Brocks World:
Brocks anckel is fully healed and hes been trying to run, but that usally ends in a face plant. He peed in the potty the other day 3times! I give him the fact that he was starting elsewhere but as soon as i grabed him he stopped till we got to the potty. That boy is still in our bed, and we're saving up money to get him a twin size bed, so we can kick him out. That boys mind is expanding everyday, it amazes me. He just started counting, he can count to 3. And hes gotten in to a coloring mode, everyday he colors.
He had a good easter, he went on a easter egg hunt, his first one and he did great.

The hubbys world:
My husbands schedule changed again. (y i haven't had time to blog) His schedule got our schedule all messed up! So my hubby works 3days, and during those three days hes 8hrs on 8hrs off. INSANE! Then the fallowing day is training, after that 2days off. But he hardly gets those 2days off. So i don't get to see my husband, brock has become paranoid and wont sleep when daddy is home. So we have late nights and early mornings and somedays no naps....i'm wearing thin...the whole family is.

My world:
I just started pure romance! yay! i had my first sale today! yay! And as of now my first party will be the third! yay!
My book, as far as that goes is on hold. once my nanny! billys cousin comes here to help us out i will have time to excape so i can write my book.
As far as my friend goes, well after i read her message off myspace she texted me asking if we were still friends. I told her to be honest i'm offended, and i will just need sometime to think. But i still texted her and stuff. And i even invited her to girls dinner night while the hubbys were working.
If your going to hold yourself on a pedastole and judge weather or not people are disrespectful then don't act it!!!! She came into the resterant w/a friend i said hi to them her friend said hi back. "my friend" said nothing. She didn't say a thing throughout dinner, and when i said goodbye...nothing. So i'm not bothering w/her anymore.
A few days ago we went swiming w/a group of people. I brought along molly, because i heard "that friend" was going. I brought molly so i can while billy is playing in the water, take molly and brock to a side of the beach so we can enjoy ourselves and not have an akward tention w/that one girl there.
I felt a little bad and almost said hi to her. Because while her husband was out in the water w/mine she was all alone. But i didn't because like i said i tried and she didn't put forth any effort, so i have washed my hands of her.
Other than that things are going okay, i have my depressed days from not seeing my hubby as much but it all goes away when he gets a day off. And it gets put on the back burner when i got out, so i'm trying to do that more, brock likes it. I'm excited that compass is starting again...hopefully we can get brock on a normal schedule w/it....

O! i almost forgot. Billys grandma called to let us know his greatgrandma is selling her house. She is going to try to talk the price down for us, so we could have a chance in buying it. Then we will rent it out till we are out of the military and can go home. The house its self is small, one bedroom, one bathroom, and a basment. But the yard! IS 50ACRES!!!! How nice would that be? i know it seem impossible for us, for how young we are but i am still praying like crazy, because it would be nice to have a house where we want it when we come home. Also Brock would be able to grow up right next to his greatgrandma. Please say a little prayer for us.

Heres some pics for ya'll:

Friends Come and Go

We threw a St. Patricks day party. It turned out great, and we had a lot of fun. One of the ladies there, was my first friend here. Shes done a lot to make me question her attitude on things but i think i held on to her for so long because I love her son and like i said she was my first friend away from home.
Well everyone was having fun at the party, when all of a sudden she stands up gathers her stuff and storms out of the house. Then she came back in, grabed her son. I felt like i had to ask if she was leaving because i had a feeling she wasn't going to say goodbye. I thought she left because of her son was a little grouchy and ready for a nap. that turned out to only be part of the problem, she was just having family issues. Well me not knowing whats going on, and everyone else not knowing we all thought she was mad at someone or me.
Well to be honest i just ignored it. It bugged me but really not enough to say something a cause a confrontation about it. I hate confrontation, when my husband and i were dating i would always write him notes stating i had a problem with him. It took us getting married for me to tell him that he pissed me off w/out writing it out for him.
A few days after the party my husband and i were just talking about it, how much fun it was and ect. He then asks me what was wrong with blah blah blah. (im not going to state her name for respect for her) I said what do you mean? I think she was just mad because her son needed a nap and was having a melt down. He said oh i didn't know about that, i was talking about when she ripped her sons sippy out of Brocks hand. Shocked i said WHAT? I never saw that. He said ya i didn't say anything because i thought i might have been over reacting because i was drinking. But now that i think about it, i wasn't. I was ferious. I can forgive the way she acted at my house the way she left but treating my son like that i feel there is no excuse.
So i wrote her a email on myspace stating the way she acted and how i felt towards it. Hope read it and made sure it was more of a i feel then a attacking email:

Hey Blank
There are a few things bugging me about our party on Tues. I just want to let you know I still want to be your friend, its just you did a few things that upset not only me but Billy off too.

First of all Billy saw you rip one of Ben’s sippy cups out of Brocks hands. He didn’t say anything because he thought he might be over reacting because he was drinking. But as the days went along after that it started to bug him. I know that it wasn’t Brocks sippy but you could have just nicely taken it out of Brocks hands or made a trade with him for his sippy. I understand that it wasn’t Brocks but how should Brock no better when A: He’s only 15monhts old and B: you’ve let him drink out of it before. Please just don’t do that again it.

Also when you left. I know its hard watching a baby by yourself for 2weeks. But I’ve done it before, many of times, when I drove to Ohio when Brock was 8months old by myself. Also every wife in the section has experience the long working days where for weeks-months the guys just come home to eat and sleep. You think we get extra help with the babies? No. I know that w/out help you get stressed, everyone does. But when I go to your house or anyone else’s house with Brock alone and he starts to act out I keep my cool let you know I have to go because of Brock and you understand. We understood why you had to leave but you didn’t have to storm out of my house like that. I really didn't know if you were upset with me or someone at my house. If I upset you? Next time please let me know instead of leaving like you did.

I hope we can still be friends, because I like hanging out with you and seeing Ben, but the way you acted that day I felt was really rude. I hope we could just put this behind us. I just had to get this off of my chest. I’ll talk to you later.

Bonita

I thought it was a really nice way of saying the way she acted i didn't like. All i wanted at most from it was a appology and for us to move on. At least for us to move on and her to never act like that at my house. Well she took it the wrong way. She wrote back, the first 2pharagraphed explained the why she acted the way she did. And after that i thought well maybe i'll write her back saying if she needs to vent i'm always here then i read the 3rd paragraph. That really upset me, and i'm in no mood to talk to her for awhile, i just need to cool down before seeing her again or replieing to her message.
She wrote:

Bonita,

First I would like to explain what happened with the sippy cup. I was sitting on the couch with ben in my arms trying to feed him a bottle to get him to take a nap. I had the sippy cup hidden behind my diaper bags and beside my leg. Brock must have leaned over them to reach it. By the time i noticed he had it he had already drank half of the juice. I did not have anymore juice for ben with me or at home. That was why i couldnt let brock just drink it, plus as you have said its expensive. When i was taking the sippy cup from Brock I was taking it how I normally do from him with very little force. He started to let go but when it started to come out of his mouth he decided to bite the nipple of the sippy and pulled really hard. I was caught off guard and if I had let go of the sippy cup Brock would have flown backwards onto the floor and hit his head. In that second I chose to have him go forward falling on the diaper bags so he wouldnt get hurt. Unfortunatly no one was watching Brock at the time and due to the fact I had Ben in my arms I was unable to retrieve Brocks sippy cup to exchange. I know it looked really bad but unfortunatly I was left with very little options. I am sorry that it turned out like that.

As I told you already I left for personal reasons which had nothing to do with anyone at your party. I will explain a little about why I left but not in great detail. I believe I have told you before my family is fighting. My dad tried calling me earlier that day at your house but I didnt answer because i thought he was just checking up. Since I didnt answer he later sent a text message telling me something that really upset me. My family issues have taken a turn for the worst and I needed to leave imediately to call my dad and find out what happened. I was really upset and im sure everyone saw and I was in no mood to explain in front of everyone. I did speak with you before I left and apologized for leaving so abruptly and I did tell you I would try to come back later. I needed to leave anyways due to Ben needing a nap, I didnt have his dinner, and the dogs needed to be let out. I even texted you later telling you I was coming back, but Ben was too tired for me to return. I wouldn't have said that if I had a problem with you.

I would have appreciated if you had come to me and asked in a nice manner what had happened once you first started thinking about it. The more you think about things the tend to get exaggerated in your mind and I do understand why you are upset, but you should always ask what happens before you jump to conclusions. I have been watching and taking care of kids since I was 13 and I was offended at your accusation that I was in some way trying to hurt your son. I also did not appreciate you contacting me by myspace it showed me how little respect you have for me. Please dont ask me to talk to you in person if I have a problem with you and you dont even give me the same curtesy. There was other was other ways to handle this situation and you chose one of the most disrespectfull ways to do it. You know how your husband has a problem with people cheating, I have a problem with disrespect. I have lost many friends because of them disrespecting me or someone I cared about. I would like things to be cleared up between us, but I know our friendship wont be how it used to be. Its going to take time for it to be back to normal. I would still like to hang out with you and Brock. Im willing to give our friendship a second chance. I hope you are too.

Blank

She texted me today asking if i read it and asking if we're still friends. I just told her i'm honestly offend right now being called disrespectful. Not to toot my own horn but i believe i am a very respectful person even if i don't like you (unless i get drunk the truth then comes out) But i try to be respectful, fair and nice to everyone i know and meet. I told her i would have to have time to cool down after the message she sent me and maybe sometime to think. I told her sry. She hasn't replied, so i think she just answered her own question.

In some ways i wish i never brought it up, but then again i had to say something about the sippy. Billy says it went down differently. And i'm glad i didn't see it because i probably be posting a blog right now about how i kicked someone out of my house.

Ugh, thats how i feel right now...i graduated high school...i should be done with this drama.

everybody is sick

My weekend started off okay. Thursday night the hubbs and I had a nice date, except during the middle of our movie i get a phone call from the sitter. "Brock just puked, do you got a thermometer or Tylenol?" I told her where everything was, she said he still seemed fine and to finish our date. He didn't puke the rest of the night.

Since he was acting normal we didn't think anything of it...except when I woke up at 3am in a cold sweat, and puking myself. Because of no temperature and the curse of the women i quickly thought..."O crap could i be pregnant." Then i thought maybe it was the sea food i ate on my date, its been years since i had sea food because i got sick on it then. To top it all off, my mom was flying in from WA. My mom and i have a awkward relationship as is, and we're trying to mend it, i don't need to be sick while shes here.

It went fine, i went to Walmart not thinking i haven't eaten all day because i felt nausea all day. I almost past out at walmart waiting to check out. But i made it home safe and in the mood for some subway. I ate half of my foot long and was ready to puke again. My mom left, and I layed Brock down with me to get him to go to sleep early. As soon as he calmed down and rolled over, he started coughing. Then that nasty puking smell came...it stunk like sour milk and it was in my bed! I quickly grabbed Brock before our conferter got splattered on too, and i looked for something to clean him up. When from behind me I hear a puking noise fallowed by a splatter noise all over my bedroom floor!

So now i got it all over me, all over Brock and my room is redecorated. Trying not to puke myself i had to clean the mess, before drawing Brock a bath. Brock slept good all night...i didn't. So i guess i got sick from him. I texted Brocks sitter about it and she said, "yeah he got me sick too." She ended up in the ER about 9 that night. While i lived in the bathroom for 2hrs.

The next morning i felt better. But i was itchy. I went to wake Billy up scratching myself, telling him i must have gotten attracted last night by bugs. Just then i looked down and I'm covered in a nice spotted rash. All over my arms, my chest, my back and my thighs. I did a rub down with benadril itching cream and although it looked awful i felt a lot better.

At 5am Sunday morning Billy comes home from work, complaining about his stomach hurting. Great hes sick too but he wasn't puking at first. Then that came, he had to take the day off, because he was to shaky to stand.

I woke up, barley able to walk. Every joint in my body hurt. And still does. Closing my hands hurt.

But the bright side of my weekend is Brock is walking again, hes limping a little but at least hes trying now. I learned that i am a size 2 jean now. And although it was great to see her it was great to see my mom leave. The unspoken tension is gone.

I'm hoping next weekend goes better. I'm ready to rest for a few days.

my weekend

The weekend started of okay.

My hubby was ditching me to hang with his friends, Friday night. But it was okay since he only seems to go out once a year. That was until at 5am i get a call, "were going to the beach!" After hanging up with him it took me an hour to process what was just said and what was going on. Oh hell no. I called him up telling him i was upset that he had kind of abused his privileges. I told him he could stay out don't bother turning around even though he wanted to because he felt bad. He told me to call him when i woke up.

I woke up at about 8 and called him. i asked where he was and he said i don't want to tell you, you'll be mad. Well, tell me, you don't know unless you do. He went to DAYTONA!!!!! i kid you not, i wanted to reach through that phone and kill him. There is a difference between going to the beach and going to Daytona. It didn't help either that Brock had woken up with a fever and i had to cancel our date. After yelling at him, he said he come home right away. I saw him about noon. He ran a little late because he had to suck up and buy me something.

It was really sweet, he got me two anklets one means love and the other passion. But he still wasn't off the hook. Brock tempt. lowered quiet a bit so we went to the water front to cheer Brock up. Cheering up it did, that boy ran around forever. When we finally got to the playground i put him in the baby swing, at the time the sun was setting. When we finally got him out of it...kicking and screaming mind you, it was pitch black outside! How do you swing for that long?

We woke up Sunday morning early to hit the cracker barrel for breakfast. Then it was off to the zoo we went. We figured go on a Sunday. Why? Because its the south on a Sunday the zoo would be empty. I'm thinking everyone else in the state of Ga/Fl thought the same thing. It was insane there.

By the time we got through most of the zoo Brock was headed for a melt down. We quickly found the play area for kids. We had just got there when i decided I'll take him down the slide. If i would have known what was going to happen next i would have never gone down that slide. Towards the end of our trip down it his foot got caught between me and the slide. OUCH! We didn't think it was that bad since he was headed for a melt down anyways. It was no surprise to us that he cried as much as he did. We thought that his foot getting caught just set the melt down off.

Feeling bad and thinking it would calm him down we walked/jogged to the gift shop to get him a toy. It wasn't really working, so i tried to set him down to go run around and find something. That's when he went limp on the side he hurt his food and fell into my arms, and started crying again. Then i started to worry. First thing we did....took of his shoe. It was purple, red or swollen. not broken, that's good. We got him a toy and left. He slept the whole way home.

We were thinking about taking him to the ER, but since it wasn't showing symptoms of being broken and he could move his foot and toes we figured wait till morning make him a appt. unless he starts walking on it.

Long story short couldn't make him a appt. went to the ER and i have given my son his first sprained ankle. I feel awful. I keep buying him treats and little toys to make me feel better. It looks like he might be walking by tonight. Finger crossed.

New Blog

Hey i did have two new posts up but after reading them Miss. Hope brought up a good point. I created Bonitas thoughts to post about my present. About Brock and my husband Billy and yet they drive me nuts i still love them.

I have recently started writing a story about my past. With the positive feedback i decided to continue. But Hope said it might be too raw to post on Bonitas thoughts. In note to that i have started a new blog that will consist of my story only. I need as much feedback as possible inorder for it to be great.

It is mostly for my own therapy, but if it can, it would be nice if it ended up helping others about divorice, mostly kids dealing with. To show them that they are never alone. Although they see it all the time and its the new "norm" you feel alone when it happens to you. So i hope you fallow my new blog, comment it and encorage others to read it too.

http://bonitaswriting.blogspot.com/

Sunday, a fun day

Yesterday i was to lazy to go get Brock more milk. The only reason he drinks it is because its his security blanket. That in the right sippy cup works magic, i swear its amazing!

So poor Brock got challenged yesterday with not having milk in his sippy but water. Please congratulate him, he did it. He noticed there wasn't milk in it but he still took it, just had it less. I'll have to keep it in mind for when we start weaning.

I believe Brock's sippy full of water all day and night, resulted in puking in the morning...all over our bed. Poor guy was trying to sleep in with his daddy too. It was about 10 and he usually wakes up at 8 latest.

We had plan to go to the carnival and although Brock was feeling better we decided to skip it anyways. We didn't want a repeat from this morning. So we just went to the waterfront to let the little man run around.

He did good wasn't showing any sign of being sick it was great. We spent about an hour there. I'm surprised we made it that long because it was WINDY! We couldn't keep the hoods to our hoodys up. But Brock loved the wind no matter how cold it was. I was freezing my butt off.

After that we had to venture to walmart. Have you heard the expression its about as crowded as a walmart on Sundays....ya every Sunday after church is crowded at walmart. It was simple though we just needed milk for Brock and food for Billy. He gets to spend two days at work. Not looking forward to it.

We then went home. As soon as we got home I ordered a pizza online for us, for lunch and dinner. It was because we thought Billy would be leaving the house a little before dinner time. So after about an hour and no pizza i finally called domino's, a little bit peeved. They had informed me that the lady had left to deliver our pizza about 20mins ago. I'm no idiot i know where domino's is, it takes 15mins tops to get there from my house. About 5mins later she showed up. I take it she doesn't get that many tips. I don't tip if your late especially if I found out you left 20mins ago! I'm a harsh costumer.

So the night went on. Billy got ready for work at about 530 and left a little before 6. Brock wont fall asleep for his naps if Billy is home. So as soon as he left Brock grabbed his sippy and cuddled with me on the couch. Not even 5mins went by he was out.

At about 15 till 7 i get a phone call from Billy. I'm thinking hes breaking the rules and calling me while standing post. *tisk tisk* Nope i was wrong and so was his MA1 and everyone else that told him he had to start at 630. Nope he doesn't have to be there till 1230 tonight. So he came back home, in the middle of me doing my blog and wanted special attention since Brock was sleeping. Ya i knew it wouldn't work because Brock was just taking a nap. Hes awake and has been 15mins after Billy came home.

I'm going to enjoy as much time with my hubby before he leaves me for two days. Till then enjoy our pictures from today.

My little brat

We all know that everybody has good days and bad. Well, today was a bad day...not for me but for my son.

He woke up before us and when i woke up i noticed he wasn't in our room and the house was quiet. (if i had music on this post this is where you would hear the dun dun dun) When I found him he was in his chair just waiting for someone to turn on his cartoons. How perfect is that?! I thought it was going to be a perfect day.

But as the morning went one he did a whole 180 degree flip with his attitude. First he threw a fit in my face and was hitting me not only with his hands but with a spoon! He smacked me in the lip good, there went time out number one. He still hadn't lost his trip to the local carnival. But it continued.

He kept doing things he wasn't supposed to pushing my buttons. And when he was confronted about these acts we would get a fit that involed hitting, falling on the floor and kicking. It would get him into time out once again. By then i had decided that we were not going to the carnival he had lost that trip. I told him hat if he makes a turn around we'll got play with Shanaras girls after lunch. He started off great, after i told him that.

Then daddy woke up. I told him how Brock was acting and we were no longer going to the carnival because of that. I got a awww come on, he isn't being that bad. He didn't mean to hit you with the spoon. Soon he saw how his son was acting up. Now he was pushing his luck with daddy. I ended up getting kicked! So I texted Shanara and told her that Brock is not going anywhere today.

Before Billy left for work, i got a text from Stacey inviting us over for dinner and Brock can play with Ben. I informed Brock if hes good after nap we'll go play with Ben. The whole time i was hoping he would because i didn't want to cook. About an hour after that only one time out, Brock let me lay him down for a nap. He not only fell asleep on his own but early at that. A complete turn around. He slept for 2hrs and we left a half hour after he woke up. Things seemed to be going good.

It wasn't too long before Brock started getting moody at Staceys house. There was a toy Ben was playing with. Now Ben is only 8months old so he isn't walking yet but hes crawling. Brock walked up to the toy and pushed it far away from Ben, sat on it and started to play. Ben fallowed and started to play with it. As soon as Ben let go of the toy Brock pushed it away.

So Stacey finally got out another toy similar to the one Brock was taking. it didn't take long before Brock was trying to take that away from Ben. Then Brock was trying to push Ben out of the way. What a spoiled brat!!! Brock got yelled at about it and came crying to me. I told him what he was doing wrong and told him to stop it. He calmed down and went to play. Ben was on the floor when Brock (standing over him) picked up a toy truck, and held it out over Bens head. I yelled, "BROCK! i don't think your about to do what i think you are!!!" He instantly pulled the toy to his chest and "pretended" to play with it i guess. I say i guess, because a second later Brock dropped it on Bens head as soon as i turned my back to him. Ya he did time out for that. And I got him in his pjs and we left. I figured it was time for bed and Ben was tired too. But i couldn't believe the way Brock was acting!

I know my son is selfish because hes a only child and doesn't play with other kids his age much. But the way he acted at Staceys towards Ben was embarassing, usally people tell me how great of a baby he is and how lucky we are. We usally tell them he doesn't show his true colors when we're out but i guess now he is. So keep your babies away Brock will show them how not to act plus i don't think they're heads are safe around my son.

Another one?

So you grow up and you get married and you have babies. That is the norm.

Well, we knocked out baby one and got that out of the way. Really, he wasn't planed. It was planed we would wait two years after being married. We were married in May and Brock was born two weeks late...in Dec. I keeping hoping he never puts the math together. Anyways we decided if Brock we're to have a sibling they would be 3yrs, 4 the latest apart. Well if we decide to have another one we should start trying after we move in 8months.

But we're both not sure if were ready for another one. I keep thinking that if we didn't have Brock our two year is coming up would we have really stuck to the plan? I honestly don't think so. To be honest i hate kids. There are very few kids i like and even less i love. So if our greatest mistake never happened then we probably would never have had kids. So i start thinking that we shouldn't have another one.

Then there comes along the fact that i am the only hope for my parents having grandkids. They got Brock and love him, but they both wouldn't mind another one. They both have other kids but don't count on them to have kids. I think one is gay and the other is just getting to old. (I'm glad they don't read this) Don't get me wrong i love them both. So now i feel under pressure, plus with time not on my side i got that pressure too.

About 3weeks ago, my husband asked me so are we going to have another one. My husband is perfectly content just having one. So i tell him i don't want to if your not 100% on board with me. He said yes he would be if i really want another one. But then i started thinking...i don't even know if I'm 100% on board!

I'm just rambling now. But it turned out that we had a talk last night. We're just going to put it off our mind till after we move and get settled in, And if we do decide to have another one a lot of things have to change. Brock has to sleep in his own bed and fall asleep on his own. He needs to learn how to share, and that mommy cant give him attention all the time. Brock would learn how to pick up after himself. O and the hubby would have to make more money.

Was it hard for you to have another one?

just an update

A few updates.
The day after my last post i got onto the online banking and found out that our check didn't bounce. In fact as i went over our transactions over and over again. I saw that our tax return went through, then right after we have a return check fee...? umm ya i was upset because a few days later there is our rent check...it went through. I still have to talk to the landlords and say it went through it was a mistake on the banks part. I am so done with Navy Fed.

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This Sat. was a very busy day. The whole family had to be up and out of the house no later than 7:45. We were out by 7:40. My hubbs went to belk where his car club was meeting up for the parade. And I went to the sitters to drop Brock off for a few mins. Then i ran back by my house to the church there to pick up food from angel food ministries.

It was the first time doing it, so i only got one package of food, because i wanted to make sure the food tasted good. For the record i don't think you could get better tasting food. So we're deff. doing that again next month.

After that i dropped the food off at the house. and went to pick Brock up. Molly and her husband Keith were supposed to fallow me to the parade, but Keith was at Walmart taking to long. i left there at 9:15, probably was cutting it a little close. 9:40 i finally parked. The first thing i did was called Hope. I needed someone to hang with at the parade else i would have been bored out of my mind. So i met up with Hope and some other people.

So it was Brocks first parade and dumby me forgot the camera. Thank goodness Hope was there. She took some really good pictures for us. Thank you again Hope!

After the parade we all went our separate ways. I think i called my hubbs 4times before finally getting a hold of him. Let me tell you he does not listen!!!

We met up, and i think i told him like 50times at least that Brock is a little grouchy because hes hungry. Lets either eat at a restaurant or go to the car find a ATM get cash and get food. We get halfway to the car and he still didn't know what we were doing. He said i caused a seen because i flipped on him in the middle of the street. We ended up going to the car going to the bank, then to sonic then back to the fair. Finally everything was all good.

We stayed at the fair for probably an extra hour before going home. not even 2mins in the car Brock was out cold and then took a two hour nap at home. That boy was tired.

Then about 3, i asked the hubbs what are we doing for dinner. If we're staying in then i got to get the steaks out of the freezer ASAP, or are we going to peppers with his section. I hear the most helpful words..."i dont know." Why cant they ever pick?!!!! i finally pushed him to pick and we ended up going out with his friends. My crazy husband decided to buy the biggest $15 margarita. He was drunk, in fact all the guys were drunk. We then went to his friends house to continue their night. They all got embarrassing drunk and the night ended very late. But i still got to sleep in the next morning.

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Sunday came. Our "fasting" day and i woke up with a cold. And i was starving! My hubby said i could eat normal food that day so i did. He gave in mid-day. We need more will power to go a whole day fasting. We had a nice lazy relaxing day.

And its Monday and i'm still sick. Hopefully tomorrow i'll be better.

Heres the pictures Hope took for me:

my day today

So Miss Hope has been bugging me to put up a new post. I don't blame her, i haven't been on here in a long time. And i am very sorry.

Anyways today was a shit day. Sorry for my language but it was. First the sitter and I had a great plan. She would go to her dentist appt at 2. Then text me when she was done, so i could leave for mine. While she head to my house before my hubby left to watch Brock. It seemed like the best plan, except there is no room for erer. Billy had to leave for work before 3. The sitters appt. should have been done by 2:30. And mine was at 3.

I got a text from the sitter at 2:15 saying that she had just finally got in and they are running behind. I just got Brock layed down for his nap. I told her if i don't hear anything by 2:40 I'm leaving...but that would mean i would have to wake up Brock at 35after. Hardly enough time for a nap, i felt bad. I got him up at 2:35 and she texted me saying she was almost done. So i told her we'll just switch cars when i got there.

I got to my appt. on time. That went well. I've been having a lot of problems with my teeth being really sensitive to sweets. So i thought i had cavities. I do, i have three but in between my teeth no where near the pain. It turns out that my teeth are just really sensitive. Nice, i was really hoping for a quick fix...ya that ain't going to happen.

So I went to go pay our rent right afterwards, because i had gotten a letter in the mail stating our check had bounced. It had to have been right before we got our tax return, anyways i hate navy fed. So i went to the office and they didn't even know about it. They wanted me to get a money order because of the situation. That was completely understandable. Except for now on we have to pay each month in money order. Is that really needed? we've lived here over a year and this has never happened, and i went in to work it out before they knew. Ugh i was so pissed. Its just a waste of time and money to get a money order between now and when we move. It just kind of ruined my day.

I'm sorry that my first post in a long time is a not so happy one but what can you say i didn't have such a happy day. I'll try to do better tomorrow. Have a good night ya'll.

Happy Monday

Ugh its monday, and I couldn't feel any worse. Brock decided to wake up at 12 last night and stay up. We had to force him to sleep by just going to bed and traping him in our room. One day I hope to not share my bed with him. Anyways, I wake up about too feeling sick, alcohol is a monster. Just like any other night though I was falling off the bed because the boys take up so much room. Sick to my stomach I asked my hubby to move over so I can lay in the middle. I don't think he understood me because he just went from his side to his back leaving less room. Peeved, because of no room on the bed, my neck hurting and being sick i just took a blanket and slept on the couch. I finally fell asleep about 3. My hubby woke up and saw I was gone and told me I could have the inside or the middle but I passed, until Brock woke up and I had to deal with him. It didn't help he wanted to lay on mommy. So after my horrible night of sleep we finally got up about 10.

We finally got moving around 11, and left to go to the mall area. My hubby wanted to look at some gear for work, so we went to the Army Navy store. I saw the funnest panties there. I sent a pic to Miss Hope and some other people about them. I guess they are a new way to support our troops and sailors. They had every branch of the military and on the butt said anything from "Anchors Aweigh," - "Booty Camp." They cracked me up.

After that we had a nice family late lunch at Steak and Shake. I love that place, and we go whenever we are down by the mall. Usally Brock is awful at resterants, he throws little fits, gets bored, makes mess and usally ends in a melt down. But today my amazing boy made mommy happy. He just stabed his food with his fork and was happy doing that. So we got him some icecream and on the way home he had a melt down. I knew it was coming he was just being to good and sweet. We got home and he took a nap, and now its my turn.

I hope ya'll had a great weekend.

Happy Supper Bowl ya'll! Anyone doing anything for supper bowl sunday? We're throwing a party...but my hubby is a little mad at me. See you invite people thinking only half are going to show up...we'll only two aren't coming. But it should be fun anyways. I'm making mini burgers, and just about everyone is bringing beer. My hubby got me some white russians. I just gotta clean the house, which most days seem impossible becuase i got a anckle bitter that destories a room after i'm finished.

On other news, my babys cold is better. We forced him to go to bed early last night...i'm regreting it because he woke up early.

Well I got to cleaning this house so i can relax a bit before getting ready for the party. I hope ya'll have a supper supper bowl sunday.

TGIF!

Hey ya'll TGIF! Not really for me, my husbands week is going to continue through the weekend. Nothing new for me.

My week started off taking my son to the clinic. When we left for washington we left with a bag full of mediciane because the little man had fluid in his ear and we didn't want an infection. So we wanted to get it checked, unfortunatly he also had a nasty cough. So we left with amazing cough drops. It said to give it at night and as needed. Well he was really bad when we got back so I gave it to him. He slept for 2hrs! I see why were supposed to give it at night. This is day 5 and his cough has calmed down a lot.

Tues. was the first night of Compass. I helped volenteer. I love compass, I learn something new everytime. I did the same thing Wed. and Thurs. When I got home last night I had left my phone on silent and someone was upset i didn't pick up my phone. He got over it, after putting a ice cold bottle of water on my neck. After that he felt he could go to bed happy.

Leaving for compass last night broke my heart. Brock had just woken up from a nap and caught me sneaking out. So i had to say goodbye and he lost it. He watched me leave ignoring daddy, till the car had pulled out all the way.

But I heard good things about this week and my son. Wed, i heard he was a brat to daddy. He would climb behind him on the couch and kick him till he moved. He moved to the other side and Brock fallowed to do the samething. Then my husband was trying to write stuff down and someone was flickering the lights.

But last night I guess he was just being cute. He made a touch down on the video game. learned how to make himself dizzy. And learned to open the frige and grab his sippy...now if he could only shut it. But thats all for today someone is really thriving for some attention.

Just family pics from vacation

We went on a date, like we did before we were married and we always took pictures in picture booths...we just had to go old school again.

My flower boy! He didn't even want to take the flower off.

The boys wearing matching shirts...the look so much alike

My husband and his mom

Our lovely family photo

The boys shotting guns...guns are very important in my husbands family

Helping my mom clean the kitchen

Brock and his grandma playing in his greatgrandmas back yard

Brock playing Grandmas organ

One of my favorites, we were at my friends house.

Billy and Brock out in the snow at Greatgrandma and Grandpa Cooks house

Pictures of the great NW

Here are some pics i took on vacation of Grandmas yard and the river the runs down the mt.

Flying

If ya'll haven't heard I landed savely in JAX last night, I was tired!

Brock and I got up early sat. to get to the airport. My mom then bumped my ticket up. You know how they say show up two hours before your flight leaves. Usally it seems like a waste of time to me because I end up waiting and 1.5hours before they even board, but i still show up 2hours a head of time. This time I was glad I did.

First we did the electronic check in and it spits out one ticket....I'm riding on two planes...but sometimes I guess it does that. We also look at it and it is my second flight its from IL to JAX...missing the first flight. So we had to get help and re-print the ticket and get both this time. On the way through security.

Usally I cut the line because I have a baby but the line was only a few people long, so we waited. We get to the point where they check your ticket to your ID i don't know why I didn't noticed, but it was Brocks boarding pass. The lady asked me, did you get a ticket for yourself. I'm thinking we'll no i'm just going to let him fly on his own. So I tell her i'll go back and figure it out and it seemed like she wasn't going to give it back. I had to repeat myself a few times, before finally getting the tickets back. So we went back to the check in and got my tickets too.

So about and 1.5hours later we finally boarded. The first flight was really nice. I bought tickets for Brock to sit on my lap so he wouldn't have his own seat. A nightmare I know but its cheaper. Well there was enough room in first class that the guy next to me moved to give us more room. I thought it was very nice of him and I was very greatful. A lot of the flight Brock just sat in his own seat taking crayons out of the box putting them in his lap and putting them back in the box again. We came home with about half the crayons. I always thought that the hot towel thing in first class was a joke, because it didn't happen on our way to WA, but i am proof it is real!!!! And its really nice, at the end of the flight they came by with hot towels for people. I honestly didn't know what to do with it, I just watched what everyone else did. I wasn't about to put it on my face but I washed my hands with it. And to end a good flight good, we were early.

We arived in IL about 30mins early and thank god for that because my gate was on the other side of the airport. To make matters better Brock wanted to walk all the way there, which i wouldn't mind if he would have just gone the way I wanted him to. The backpack killed my back infact my shoulders still hurt. My purse made me feel like my arms were about to fall off and Brock just made matters worse. It was nice to finally sit down when I got to the gate for less than a second. Brock decided he was just going to get out of his chair and check out the airport. I am glad it wasn't long till we boarded our plane.

The second flight was short and the plane was small. This flight it was just Brock and I to one seat. He spent most of his time standing infront of me pulling the magazines and barf bag out of the seat and handing them to me and putting them back. He fell asleep a little before we landed and he wouldn't wake up. Everytime I would get him up I would look down and he would be asleep again. After we got up and moving we got out of the plane, we climbed down some stairs to stand right where they usally park the planes...never done that before and I really didn't like it.

We finally got to the airport! I let Brock walk/run to daddy and he bent down to pick him up...it was really cute. We went home thinking Brock would go to sleep when we got there. He was to excited to see his toys and went to sleep about 1:30am. He did sleep in till 12 this morning so I can't complain but I was up most of the night because someone can't sleep alone anymore. Brock was kicking me all night and complaining like I was in his way but I was falling off the bed. At one point I got so annoyed and just said "WHAT!" I guess I broke his little heart, because he lost it. So after calming him down I tried to sleep again and he did the same thing so I gave him the outside...ya bad idea...i slept a good half hour but woke up to a thump...Brock fell off the bed.

Right now it is 1am again...and Brock just went to sleep, i got to wake up in 8hrs for his appt. so I will most likely do a blog on that. Have a good night...or day should I say?

Great Grandpa Cook

I believe you all know, but my husbands Great Grandfather passed away this pass Thursday. Although it was to be expected that he wouldn't make it through Feb. it still was a unexpected death. I don't know in my head I kept thinking that he would beat the cancer one more time and maybe live forever.

When I first met this cute little old man, he was sitting on his stool with his pants undone and told my now husband how he got himself a pretty girl. As I dated my husband more and more I heard more and more amazing stories about him.

I learned that he was one of the young men that road on a train from the east coast to the west looking for work. In his late 80s he would fall trees in his back yard by himself until his family wouldn't let him anymore. In his late 80s he was healthier then we'll ever be.

About 2years ago Grandpa Cook caught cancer. First they just kept cutting it out. And he fought it and kept winning but it will always come back and they would always give him a few more months. Finally Grandpa Cook went into radiation treatment last year due to the fact he had no ear left. I left WA with the family telling me he doesn't have long.

In November they told us he only had 6months left. His pain medicine made him see buffalo in the backyard, he was not doing good. By December he was doing better then the month before we thought he would get better once again and beat the odds.

We went to WA knowing we would never see him again, but with the hope it wasn't true. Seeing him in a wheelchair killed my husband. He knew he hated it in there and Grandpa told everyone he couldn't stand being in the chair. Which makes sense when he took care of everything and now was having people take care of him it was eating him up.

My husbands time in WA ended and when he said goodbye to his Grandpa, his Grandpa said he'll never see him again, hes done good with his life and he'll miss him. After that my husband was very quiet in the car. I've never seen him like it before.

The fallowing wed. night Grandpa fell out of his chair and broke his hip. Grandma and Great Grandma took him to the hospital. The fallowing morning he passed due to a blood clot in his hand. I was supposed to go to my moms that Sat. but due to Grandpas death I had to stay with the family, i just couldn't leave them that way. I'm one of those strange inlaws that is closer to her inlaws then to her own family. So it was a hurt to me too.

This was the first time someone close to me had passed. I'm going to miss that goofy old man on the stool with his pants unzipped very much but I am glad he didn't feel pain, and suffer from the cancer in the end.

Grandpa Cooks obituary:
Alex "Cookie" Cook


Alex M. Cook, of Granite Falls, WA, passed away peacefully in his sleep on January 15, 2009. He was born in Maynardville, Tennessee on March 14, 1917 and resided with his wife, Betty, in Robe Valley for the last 66 years. Alex was a World War II veteran, he had a long career as a logger then retired from Snohomish County Public Works in 1983. Alex loved camping, fishing, playing his harmonica and guitar and spending time with his family. He was instrumental in starting up the Robe Valley Fire Department and served as the Fire Commissioner for many years.
Alex is survived by his wife of 66 years, Betty; his three children, Marie Tharp, Joann (Bill) Gordius and Rick (Brenda) Cook; grandchildren, Bobbie, Pam, Becky, Angie, Kyle and Timmy; eight great-grandchildren; and eight great-great-grandchildren.
Alex was preceded in death by his parents; six siblings; and his son-in-law, Bob Tharp who passed away in 2004.
A celebration of Alex's life will be held at 2 p.m., on February 7, 2009, at the Granite Falls American Legion Hall.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Robe Valley Fireman's Association.

RIP Grandpa I'll miss you and so will many...

Coming to you from Vacation

Hey ya'll I'm back! I'm sorry I didn't bother to check the blog most of my trip but my husbands grandma lives in the mountain. There is still the only option of dial up there, and when it took an hour plus to check my email and bank account i decided the blog would have to wait till i got to my moms. And what did I get at my moms as a late Christmas present?! Lets try a brand new laptop!

The flight was pretty good. I guess it could have been worse. First we get throw ever thing nice and easy. While waiting at the gate I told my husband to walk our son around to wear him out, so maybe...just maybe he'll sleep. We'll not even 10mins later I hear our son crying, i turn around to see him running to me. When I asked my husband what was wrong he said Brock lost me. I asked what he ment he said that Brock was walking then went down the seating looking at every other women, after a few he panicked. Then they were boarding first class rows 1-6. I looked at our tickets it said row one. I asked my husband if we were in first class he went to ask and guess what! it turned out we got bumped up to first class the whole way to WA. Brock didn't cry much id say a total of 20mins if that and we made it in at 12 midnight WA time.

Anyways the trip has gone okay so far. The first two weeks I wanted to spend with just me and my hubby, he went out just about every night with his friends but got woken up early to spend the day with me. Why would i let him go out that much people might ask...we'll in the past year I can count how many times he went out on one hand and still have room to roam. I also told him before he left that when we move back to WA that, that ain't going to happen. He could have one day a week at least when we move back. He agreed and said he wouldn't be able to do that anyways.

My third week i hung out with my dad and my husbands family. I had planned to drive down to my moms sat. and spend the rest of my vacation with her. Unfortunately my husbands great grandpa passed thurs. morning, so I spent a little more time with my husbands family to make sure they were okay.

I arrived at my moms, Tues. afternoon...sick. I have caught a cold and now my son has a too. We leave in 3days, i hope we get better. I got to play a WII and I love it! When we get a break in money I'm deff. getting one. My vacation is almost over, and to be honest I can't wait to be back in my own home, i got a overload of family and I'm ready for it to be just the 3 of us again.

When I get back to GA I'll post pictures for ya'll.